Hi folks! So I’ve been quiet across social media and on YouTube for a couple of weeks and there have been some good reasons for that. I know not many read or watch my posts but if you’re nosey and want to find out more, read on.
For some time now I haven’t been very well – don’t worry, it’s not the dreaded covid – but it has left me feeling somewhat drained both physically and mentally. And that’s what I want to talk about: worrying about self-hate in times of need.
I specifically want to focus on shame. That sounds a bit harsh, doesn’t it? But what I mean that is feeling shame, guilt, embarrassment that you might be struggling. Despite all the ‘be kind’ messages we have, I have seen countless examples on social media – and indeed in my own personal life – of people doing the exact opposite. It’s madness, isn’t it? I find myself wondering if I should have done more? Been better? Tried harder? The reality is: I did all of the above and you know what? I very nearly ran myself too far in the ground. There is of course more here than meets the eye but let’s delve into those self-hate feelings shall we?
Self-hate. What a phrase. It is telling when society, the people around you, and social media dictates what and how you should be. ‘Oh, well so and so is coping, so should I’. ‘I’m in a lucky position with everything going on in the world – I should feel grateful’. ‘They’re worse off than me’. ‘I’m not the only one in my position, I need to get on with it’. These are extremely negative and damaging statements to make and by comparing ones self to others. By doing this, I was failing to address the areas in my life that needed addressing. Now don’t get me wrong, I would still have some of the problems I am facing, but I would have been kinder to myself, maybe sought help sooner.
What makes me happy? What gives me peace? Who should I spend my time focussing on?"
The one thing that stuck out to me was something my health care practitioner said: if I didn’t look after myself both physically and mentally, then who would be there for my son? That took me on a roller coaster of emotions, let me tell you! I am easily replaceable at work and I’m easily forgotten by acquaintances and those I compare myself to. But do you want to know where I’m valued beyond anything? Where my health is at the centre of someone else’s wellbeing? Where I am truly wanted and where I truly matter? Where there is only one of me? My family. I needed to turn around my thinking.
It took a while to get over the guilt and I often still have it until my husband reminds me that the more I worry, the worse I will feel. So, I’ve been trying to focus on me and my family. What makes me happy? What gives me peace? Who should I spend my time focusing on? Once again: family. Me.
So please, please, if anyone finds themselves working to the bone, just stop and ask for help. If you find yourself worrying more about others than they do you. Stop. If you find yourself making excuses. Stop. We are absolutely no help to those who truly matter, if we are too ill.
Please do what is important to you. Focus on your health, make your mental well-being a priority and stop comparing yourself as there is only one of you.
Final message. You never know what someone is going through so be nice and never judge yourself or someone else.
Peace my friends. Know I am always on the end of a private message if you ever need to chat without fear of judgment.
Check out my newest release, HUNTED, a YA paranormal romance about two unlikely allies risking their freedom to save both their races from a deadly war between the shifters and magic users. "Some secrets were meant to stay hidden."
Have a nosey at my NaNo project and its progress here!
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